...is good. I can sit back, scrutinize my odd little life and still have a smile on my face in the process.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Sophia and Charlotte are doing wonderfully. C is talking up a storm now and getting into EVERYTHING just to get a reaction out of me. She's a maniacal boobie monster who is starting to refuse eating solid food. That usually means a spurt of some sort...maybe she'll grow a little! Such a shorty.
S needs to start preschool I think. I can get her signed up but I can't get her there! Car. Blah.

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How I long to be as eloquent
As expressive
This...inside me just won't come
There is empty space
No introduction
What's left is a veil
I'm at a standstill on the plateau
Of weakness and
Self-inflicted misery

Where is my remedy but in the arms
Of God?
I am dysfunctional
Super-charged with black
Where is the tincture of life but
in the life-giving spirit of Him?

Oh, where is my Beloved but on
My tongue
My voice
My spirit
I cry out for sweet deliverance
In this true moment
Deliver me! O Wise!
Refresh me! Giver of Life!

© Dawn Hart-Freeman 2009

Swimming pool, fire, cooking hot dogs, swing set
( Click here )

I haven't been this sick in a very, very long time. I can't help but wonder why it's happening now and my only logical explanation is all the stress finally catching up to me. My immune system has crashed as a result of not eating right and my world being turned upside down for so long. I haven't pushed myself getting settled back in my house either...I took it slow from the start. I still have a lot to do and I'm OK with letting it sit for a while until I get some more fire under me.

My biggest struggle right now is making sure Sophia and Charlotte get what they need. I don't have the energy or the equilibrium to make hot meals, give baths, read books, play games or even make myself a hot meal. They are getting my worst right now and it's making me MAD that I can't keep up.
Clifford needs attention too...the poor thing is outside right now pacing the fence because it's food time.

This is where I want the fairy tale to kick in and rescue me. A lone stranger equipped with the wherewithal to take care of us and the house for a few days...

This happened when I was around 10 years old and my cousin/best friend, April, was around 7. I think we were younger but I don't have a reference point. This was a repressed memory until 3 months ago...

April lived in a house at a lake with her parents, Diana and Ken. I don't remember more than two visits to this particular house; they had lived in so many.
April and I wanted to play in the lake. She asked her mother for permission and was told, "If it's OK with Pam".
So I asked mom and she gave the standard response, "We'll see". Of course, to me, that meant yes. April overheard me asking and said, "But she didn't say yes, she said we'll see". To which I retorted, "But that means yes".
So off we went.

After playing in the water for a while we swam to a buoy and, while I clung to it, April made circles around me. We couldn't touch the bottom and I think this was the first time we had gone out that far. Suddenly, she was inching farther out and tried grabbing the buoy but couldn't reach it. I can't remember if she called my name but she reached her arm out to me as her head went under the water. She didn't come right back up and I felt panicked. My world slowed down and I felt that if I didn't find her hand, she would die. An overwhelming sense of doom surrounded everything and I couldn't hear. I could barely see her pale blonde hair under the water so I blindly reached in her general direction, found her hand and pulled her up to me on the buoy.

We never spoke of it to each other or to our family...until my extended visit to Florida this year in February. April and I reminisced about our lives together and one night she brought up the time I saved her life at the lake. As soon as she spoke those words, I felt her little hand in mine again as I pulled her to me. As she recounted her own feeling of panic in the water, I was remembering mine. She said I was too scared to come off the buoy in the deep water and she was having fun swimming. She got so tired that she just couldn't keep her head out of the water anymore and reached her arm up. While I was there in my slow-motion world realizing that my favorite person was going to die if I didn't do something about it, she was looking up at me from under the water knowing I would save her.

So during my ER visit yesterday for my ear, the nurse asked me how much I weigh. I said, "I really have NO clue...maybe 150?"
She started the scale at 150 and it didn't budge.
I thought, "Ok cool...I'm in the 140s finally. And with no effort whatsoever".
She inched the marker up to 130 and it started to balance. She stopped at 132.
I weigh 132.
I weigh 132.
Do you know the last time I weighed 132? I was 19. 17 years ago.
I left for Florida in February weighing between 155 and 160. I lost between 23 and 28 pounds in the past 3 months.

Out of curiosity, I took my measurements. Last time I did that was Oct. 5, 2008 and they were:

39 bust
34 waist
40 hips

Now they're:

38 bust
32 waist
40 hips (damn these child-bearers)

But, WOW! How about that?

BTW, I have an ear infection and I'm miserable.

I have to go to the ER today. I may have an ear infection or a perforated eardrum.

Stop breathing, it's too loud but I can't hear it.

After a big lunch I kicked back on Sophia's bed to relax AND spend time with the girls. I guess that made me open game.

"Mommy? Are you ok?"
Yes, my tummy is REALLY full! I ate a LOT!
"Did you slip? Did you slip on the kitchen floor with your ice skates?"

*Goes to get her stethoscope*

Ohhh (realizing it's make-believe time), yes. I did slip on the kitchen floor.
"Well, why'd ya do that?" (extremely serious face)

*puts the stethoscope to my arm*

It was an accident. I didn't mean to slip but it was so icy in that kitchen!

*removes the stethoscope from my arm* and says
"Hmm, that's not good enough. Stay there and I'll make some medicine, ok? I'm gonna fix it so don't worry, ok?"

The girls and I are back home and I'm enjoying redecorating the place to make it finally feel like a home. I used to spend too much time thinking about what Joe wasn't doing around here when I should have been thinking about what I could be doing.
I'm not helpless.
I can do stuff.

After Charlotte wakes up from her nap today, I'm going to fix all the drawers in the kitchen - the bottoms are falling out. Nails and hammer.
Wish I had some white vinegar...the master shower is clogged and I know just the potion to fix it.

Joe had to call our home warranty company to come check our refrigerator. It's cold but not cold enough. Another $65 out of our pockets and I'm hoping it'll be bad enough that they'll just replace it! They come on Tuesday.

Sophia's going to play on her websites now.
Photos coming soon since there's actually a decent wireless connection in the neighborhood!!!

Both girls fell flat on their faces. Lots more blood with Sophia's fall though. Scared me a little! I'd like their teeth to fall out naturally.
So it begins...

...with my Internet connection today! I've been able to upload some pictures to Facebook and check all my emails! Wheeee!

We got back to NC on April 10th. The girls and I are staying at Tammy's house in Hampstead, NC (just 20 minutes from our house) and hope to have enough cashola for our electricity real soon. They are demanding a whopping $440 additional deposit from us to turn it back on...blergh! Crazy Town.
Tammy has pretty much moved out and is living with her new boyfriend so we have the house to ourselves and the neighbors have a playground in their backyard. What luck!

Oh, and my husband is awesome...just in case you need to know ;)

Charlotte's new words - what they actually sound like are in parentheses:

shoe
button
butt
door (dora)
up
down
hi
kiss (mahhh)
baby (bobby)
birdie (bubby)
fish (ish)
book
again (a-gay-in)
eye
one
two
all fall down (ahh dowwwn)
Dora (der-uh)
Blue [from Blue's Clues] (BOW-BOW)
flower (bow-uh or just bow)
wow
whoa
boo
nummies (meez)
ABC (ah-ee-ah)
draw (daw)
hungry (Gee)
tickle
me
mine
spoon (poon or boon)
no
hot
bite

She'll also sing the very end of the Barney song..."love meeee toooo" (uhhh meeee toooo)
She recognizes that some symbols are actually letters and says, "B!" or "ah-ee-ah"

Sophia is just amazing. She is practicing her words to perfect them now. She'll ask me to say difficult words with lots of syllables so she can repeat them back to me. She'll comment on how 'amazing' or 'incredible' something is. Her favorite phrase right now is, "It's ok Mama, it was an accident."
(LOL)
She's also working on her lisp...just awesome!
Another thing Sophia LOVES to do is put makeup on and she absolutely ADORES lipgloss (that's muh girl!).

As of sunset tonight, it is the first day of Baha in the Baha'i year 166 (read: 1 Baha, 166 BE)

( Inappropriate rant for such a great day )

Antibiotics for Charlotte; TWO WHOLE TEASPOONS of Bactrim twice a day for ten days.
I've deferred the task to April because I'm such a wimp.

It started with seeing Charlotte's Uber-swollen hand at 11:15 this morning. When I realized it was an insect bite of some sort, I took her vitals and the only thing off-kilter was her temp. She was running a low-grade fever (100.5) so at that point I knew I had to take her to the ER. Ugh. I was hoping for fast help since she's only 18 months old. I grabbed a shower real quick...thank GOD the girls were already dressed at that point. I HATE dressing them when I'm panicked in any way. I left the house at noon, stopped only to get gas and then straight to the ER.
We waited behind ONE PERSON at the check-in desk who didn't understand, "I need your ID and your insurance card". He wouldn't give it to her! 15 minutes pass by as I'm trying to corral Sophia and hold Charlotte at the same time and he finally just read the insurance card number to her. What the heck was that about anyway?

Luckily, my hopes were fulfilled and we only waited 20 minutes before we were sent back to a room. Done by 2:00 with a good prognosis and instructions to give antibiotics for 10 days. Dr said she seems to have an infection in her skin tissue (cellulitis) from a recent bug bite (that's what she thought the fever was about). But how can a bite that happened overnight get infected so quickly? Granted, I didn't notice it until 11:15 today but still...
I remember Sophia getting bitten by a yellow fly when she was the same age and her arm swelled up so much at the site that it looked crooked and broken. The window in the kitchen was open last night and there's no screen on it so maybe a yellow fly got in? And bit little Charlee 5 times? On one hand?

Grocery shopping went without a hitch (knock on wood).

I put the groceries away and was relaxing a bit and, in slow motion, I watched Sophia and Charlotte fighting over something Charlotte had in her hand. C was on the breakfast table booth and S was standing on the floor in front of her. In an INSTANT, Sophia pulled Charlotte so hard that she flipped and went head-first onto the floor. I was waiting for the seizure. (I've been traumatized by this: http://cuspie.livejournal.com/131210.html)
Anyway, I yelled, "OH MY GOD!" and Sophia started freaking out; crying, trying to hide, faking her own 'owie' so I wouldn't be mad at her for hurting Charlotte (I know, poor baby). I made sure Charlee was OK and then called sobbing Sophia over to me. I calmly explained that I'm NOT mad at her, it was an accident and that she just needs to be careful with little Charlotte. I told her to look at how little she is and she did. I felt it click in her head that Charlee's smaller than she is. This is what I got:

"I'm sorry Mama, I just wanted my granola bar."
"You only wanted it because Charlotte had it."
"But I wanna eat it and now it's all twisty."
"I know, because you fought with Charlotte over it. We have LOTS of granola bars...it's OK"

THEN, not even 30 minutes later, Sophia was showing off how high she could jump...somehow she managed to jump with all her strength and her shoulder hit the table coming up. She's gonna have a nasty bruise now; looking like I beat my kids!

Something must be retrograde in the Universe! All these owies today! Poor babies.

We had a great time!

( Lotsa pics as usual )

Aside from the obvious, I miss:

My yard
Pushing the girls on the swing set
My sewing machine
Dahrie's painting
My kitchen
Recycling
Coffee made for me every morning :)
My snail mail
My bedroom

Sophia has been chanting "Maaaaacaroni Penguiiiiiin" for the past three days. I'm sure I can thank Diego for that :D

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do.

I will be strong
I will be faithful
'cause I am counting on a new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning yeah

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish send it to heaven
And make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection
Of a higher power and lonely hours
The tears devour you

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh, can't you see it baby?
Don't have to close your eyes
'cause it's standing right before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply do.

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

From the past 2 weeks and we went to Fort Fisher Aquarium with Dori's family.

( You should click for cuteness! )

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Me: "We're going to Abigail's birthday party tomorrow!"

Sophia: *gasp* "With Mommy and Daddy and Charlee and Teefa and kids?" (Teefa is what she calls herself)

Me: "YES! It'll be lots of fun!"

Sophia: "Lot of kids. There will be lots of mad."

6 days of no diapers for Sophia.
No accidents and new panties from Gramma Pam :)

I officially have only one child in diapers now...this makes my laundry load MUCH lighter!

We're supposed to get an inch or two!

My loves :)

No diapers at all during the day and she woke up dry today. She even held her first bathroom break for 15 minutes or so :)
Yay, Sophia!

Solid Mahogany, newly reupholstered, $20.
Win :)

"The ideal canine nutrition requires 30% protein, 5% lipids, 5% of pure fiber and 50% maximum of carbohydrates. Also, 2% of calcium and phosphorus (to substitute the preys bones)."

This is ground beef, bacon, hot dogs, boiled eggs, carrots, broccoli, oatmeal, cottage cheese, tomato soup and kelp. HE HATED IT!

( Read more... )

Our house finally feels like a home. It's amazing what just a few pieces of furniture and wall-hangings can do for one's well-being and comfort in life. I feel very blessed to have everything we need and not a home full of pack-ratted junk or things we'll never use.
In the 6 months we've lived here, about $100 is all that came out of our pockets for household items. Everything else was either donated by family members, dear friends or Freecyclers.

( Here are some pictures :) )

...here are some really cute pictures from the past week.

( Enjoy )

I just got a package delivered by UPS. It's a brand new sewing machine.
I can't WAIT to get supplies and start makin' stuff!!

Thanks, mom!

This is what I get for not cleaning up Sophia's leftovers immediately. Charlee is obviously climbing now...ugh.
The worst part? Those were her jammies for the night because she JUST HAD A BATH!

Photos from yesterday and today. Clifford, Tori, Sophia, Charlotte, Tammy, Madison and me. None of Joe because yesterday he was working and today he's sleeping.


( 62 pictures under here! Enjoy :) )

Meet Clifford! He's a sweetie but has some physical issues with his hips and has low self esteem. I'm studying up on Cesar Millan's theories to get him feeling better about himself. I've also ordered some supplements for his hip dysplasia and if it works on him he can get proper excercise. We adopted him from my friend Dori who already has such a full house because of her big heart.

Tonight is Sophia's first night without a diaper in bed. I asked her if she wanted panties or a diaper and she opted for panties! I've reminded her that if she has to pee-pee, she needs to get up and go to the bathroom.

"o-TAY Mama", she said.

My friend, Dori, and her awesome family came for an extended visit yesterday. Joe made lunch and then later on we ordered pizzas for dinner. Marissa is the only child missing :( We'll have to make up for that!

( Friends )

The Clewis Family Christmas party! What a great time we had!
The girls were very well-behaved, affectionate to everyone and were the life of the party in our eyes :)
<3
( Click here to see them! )

I've been thinking of migrating my LJ to Blogger. I've had an account there for quite a while but haven't done any posting at all.
For those of you who use Blogger, what's your opinion of it?

Just a few cute pics :)

( Read more... )

My sister Amanda, her husband Joe, Baby Dahrie and Frosty :)

If you make the decision to dine out, please tip your server. Not all of them are fresh out of high school, confused about what to do next and can't properly wait on a table. Some of them have families to feed and have worked for five-star restaurants with white gloves on.

There is a quickly growing trend in this crap-ass economy where people are choosing to still spend money on dining out but they're stiffing the server!
You need to realize that when you don't tip properly - which means a minimum of 15% for good service - it takes food out of tummies and shoes off the children!

Did you know that servers make $2.13 per hour plus tips?
Did you know that a percentage of those tips has to be paid to other house employees like bussers, hosts and bartenders?

Please tip your server and I'm sorry but, a 50 cents tip on a $100 bill is deplorable and you should be ashamed of yourself.


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My 5th grade class at Braymer C-4 Elementary School. The best years of my childhood.